Professor Phoebe Phillips AM, Associate Dean in the Faculty of Medicine and Head of the Pancreatic Cancer Personalised Medicine Program at UNSW, knows better than most the complexities of cancer care. But when she lost her husband Joshua on 13 May this year, her professional expertise was no shield against the personal toll of two relentless years lived on high alert.
Josh had survived childhood cancer, but the treatments that saved him then set the stage for a complex, cascading illness decades later—advanced liver cancer, heart failure from past radiation, and ultimately cancer throughout his body. For thirty days before he died, Phoebe slept on a hospital cot by his side. 🌿
“He never complained. He was my strength—calm, resilient, determined. I didn’t realise how much of my strength came from him until he was gone.”
A leading cancer researcher at the University of New South Wales, Phoebe hand-picked and coordinated Josh’s clinical team, liaising with oncologists, hepatologists and palliative care specialists. She was his wife, carer, advocate and—by necessity—his navigator. There was no family support nearby, few breaks, and very little respite. After the funeral, the adrenaline ebbed. The world went quiet. The pain got louder.
“I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t. The grief was complicated, constant—and I couldn’t sleep.”
Within weeks, Phoebe was diagnosed with PTSD and complicated grief. When a rare reaction to medication ruled out pharmacological support, she needed another path.
LEFT: Phoebe and her husband, Joshua.
RIGHT: Prof Joshua McCarroll just before he was diagnosed with cancer.
Finding Quest in a dark time
A psychiatrist familiar with neuroplasticity and Petrea King’s work urged Phoebe to attend Quest’s Healing Your Life program. It was roughly three months after Josh’s death. “I arrived desperate,” Phoebe says. “I had lost the capacity to help myself, despite everything I knew professionally.”
What she found at Quest surprised her.
“Quest gave me a safe haven where it was not only allowed, but encouraged, to feel my emotions and share them—while also showing me how not to be stuck in pain.”
For Phoebe—who notes that academia and medicine often reward invulnerability—this was radical.
“We’re trained to be strong. To remove ourselves from emotion. Quest taught me that feeling is not failing; it’s the doorway to healing.”
What changed at Quest: tools, evidence and a way forward
Quest’s trauma-informed, evidence-based approach resonated with Phoebe’s scientific mind. Through guided self-inquiry, meditation, gentle movement, whole body-based practices, and the simple medicine of nature and community, she began to re-pattern her responses to triggers and grief. 🌱
“My past is my past—but it doesn’t have to command my present. Quest helped me rewire how I respond.”
For six months prior to Quest, Phoebe had severe insomnia—often sleeping only an hour a night. After the program, she developed an evening practice: 40 minutes of meditation before bed.
“I haven’t had a sleepless night since. Sleep gave me the power to heal.”
She went home with a daily “toolkit”: morning and evening practices, moments of “returning to the senses” throughout the day, and a plan for predictable trigger points—especially the days leading up to the 13th of each month, the day that signifies Joshua’s passing. She expanded her support network and set boundaries to protect her energy. ✨
“I didn’t want to be stuck in a room of sorrow. Quest gave me doors—and the keys. If only Josh and I had been told about Quest early on in Josh’s cancer journey.”
Tune into Pheobe's video about how attending the Healing Your Life program at Quest helped her begin to heal, find peace, and reconnect with herself here.
LEFT: Pheobe leads teams in oncology clinical trials as Associate Dean in the Faculty of Medicine and Head of the Pancreatic Cancer Personalised Medicine Program at UNSW.
RIGHT: Phoebe with Josh in hospital just before he passed away.
Life after loss: Staying steady when the waves come
Healing isn’t linear, and Phoebe is candid about the hard days. But she faces them differently now. She increases her self-care, asks for help (a lifelong first), schedules connection so she’s not alone, and leans on her practices.
“I used to be on constant high alert. I’ve re-learned how to relax—how to feel the air on my skin, how to sit in my garden and breathe.”
She’s returning to Quest for a refresher next year, deepening what works and staying connected to peers who “get it.” Those bonds continue in friendships forged in shared vulnerability. 💖
What the system misses—and why Quest matters
As a scientist who runs oncology clinical trials and leads teams—and as a wife and carer who walked this path with her husband—Phoebe sees clearly where cancer care excels, and where it falls short.
“We are very good at treating disease. We are not good enough at caring for the whole person—and we almost entirely overlook carers.”
She describes a system where psychological support, when offered, is too brief, too medicalised, and often inaccessible for people who are very unwell. Appointments happen in hospitals, where patients are already visiting or staying for treatment which is traumatic. Carers are typically excluded. Treating clinicians rarely receive meaningful feedback about a patient’s mental state, and many haven’t been trained to ask.
“On killing the cancer, we can inadvertently kill the spirit. Emotional wellbeing must be central—not an afterthought.”
Phoebe imagines a different model: integrated, holistic care where the patient and carer can learn together; where clinicians are upskilled in emotional intelligence; where body-based therapies, gentle movement, massage, and practical tools are part of standard support; where connection and touch are restored to lives reshaped by illness and pain. 🌺
“Healing’s not a lone sport. Quest already does what the system needs—safely, compassionately, and with evidence-based tools people can use at home.”
Phoebe is also a board director with Cancer Council NSW and is exploring pathways to champion more holistic, integrated supports across the cancer space. But she’s clear: philanthropy is the lifeblood that makes timely, human, whole-person care possible, so please consider donating to Quest’s Christmas Appeal.
LEFT: The vision board Phoebe created at Quest for Life.
RIGHT: Phoebe's beautiful rose garden of hope - just one way she nurtures her healing journey.
A vision your gift can bring to life
When the life Phoebe loved was torn apart, Quest helped her find her footing again. Now, she wants others to have that same opportunity—especially those who can’t afford it, or who are caring for someone and feel trapped by circumstance.
The Quest for Life Foundation is a registered charity with the ACNC. Donations over $2 are tax-deductible. Please join us in giving the gift of hope, strength, and healing:
- 📞 Call us on 1300 941 488
- 💸 Direct Deposit: National Australia Bank Ltd (NAB)
BSB: 082476 Account: 573751856 Account name: Quest for Life Foundation
* Please include your name as reference and contact us so we can issue a tax-deductible receipt - 🌐 Online here.
By supporting Quest for Life, you can help us open the door for the next person who needs to walk through it. Be part of a story where suffering is met with skill, sorrow is met with love, and healing is shared, not shouldered alone. 💞
Warmest regards and gratitude,
Petrea King
CEO & Founder
